New self-defence selfie stick for ‘active oldies’

Muggers had better look out – that frail old lady hobbling to the Post Office with an odd-looking stick may be packing the latest in personal safety equipment from Gerilectric Inc.

The £79 ‘SafePoke’ is fitted with a twin-probe cattle prod, producing up to 300 shocks of 8,000 volts.

Powered by a 9 volt battery, the SafePoke also features a camera bracket for taking triumphant post-attack selfies or better still, HD movies of muggers squirming in agony on the ground. It may also be used as a walking stick.

The new product was welcomed by Age Concern, who told Spoofflé that it was high time Britain’s elderly fought back.