Branwen Evans, a 59 year old school cook, arrived home on Wednesday to find a suitcase on her doorstep containing over £16 million in cash.
‘I was in proper shock, I was,’ Mrs Evans told our Wales correspondent Nerys Williams. ‘There was a letter on top, handwritten like, from a Prince Umbuntu III, complaining that he’d been trying to contact me by email for the past five years to give me his uncle’s inheritance but that I never replied to him.’
Mrs Evans says she assumed the emails were a scam of some sort and had always deleted them. ‘I feel a bit bad now,’ she said. ‘But it’s very nice of him isn’t it?’
Asked what she planned to do with the money, she said: ‘Well, I’m going to get that cracked toilet bowl fixed and maybe splash out on a new saddle for my Dewi’s bike.’
Thank you for your highly illuminating research Mr Spy.
People often ask our Editorial team how on earth we manage to find out about these exclusive and important stories, often weeks in advance of the big ‘dailies’ and I always tell them that it’s simply down to our network of elves such as your good self. Without your patience, diligence and high quality investigations, such tales would remain hidden from public view and words such as ‘flob’ would disappear forever from common use.
After more intensive investigation the undercover Spooffle team can reveal the truth behind this dear old “school cook”. Apparently Mrs. Knuckles Evans as she is locally known and her African lover Prince Umbuntu xviii run an under cover racket selling chewing tobacco which has become very popular among the school children of Cardiff. Chewing tobacco was very popular in the Welsh coal mines as it helps to keep the mouth moist under dusty conditions. Young lads find they can now flob at least 6 foot and one 16year old youth Flobber Williams can even call for his mates who live on the fourth floor by flobbing a large gobbet on to his bedroom window. Even the girls use as they feel it makes them more attractive to the opposite sex to have a decent wedge of tobbaco in their mouths that they can roll seductively on their tounge!
Knuckles and her lover are making a great deal of money at this so they decided to come up with the story to assist them in laundering the cash because it is obviously illegal to sell tobbaco to under 18s.
Apparently the prince’s number has nothing to do with the number of African Kings more the size of his manhood!