Diane Abbot stopped for speeding (May 3rd 2017)

(After Diane Abbott suffers brain fade on Radio 4 recalling the cost of police recruitment)

‘Would you switch your engine off please Miss Abbott?’

‘Certainly officer. But why have you stopped me?’

‘Do you know what speed you were doing?’

’13. Errr, no, not that. 31. Or 310?’

‘You were recorded travelling at 68mph.’

‘That’s impossible! I only live 4 miles away!’

‘You were speeding.’

‘I was NOT speeding. I simply mis-pressed the pedal.’

‘I am issuing you with a fixed penalty notice and-‘

‘How dare you! When I become Home Secretary on June 8th, I’m going to track you down. What is your NUMBER?’

‘S3821387.’

‘F38?’

‘That’s right, madam.’

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