Weary shoppers will soon be able to benefit from a ‘lighter than air’ bag, according to Macclesfield supplier, BCB Gases Ltd.
The ‘Anti-G’ bag is made from ‘Snaphene’, a one molecule thick miracle material, and has a total weight of barely 5 grams.
(Regular Spoofflé readers will recall our profile on Snaphene’s inventor, Dr Angram Patternoster, who received the Nobel prize for Physics last year.)
The interior of the bag is lined with sealed Snaphene ‘pouches’, filled with fifty litres of pressurised Helium gas.
Spoofflé’s Science correspondent Dr Oliver Flimwell received a pre-production version of the bag for testing earlier this year. ‘It’s a bloody clever idea,’ he said. ‘As every schoolboy and schoolgirl knows, a litre of Helium produces about a gram of lift so the bag should be able to raise at least 45 grams of shopping.’
Dr Flimwell was less impressed with the manufacturer’s advertisements for the Anti-G bag, as aired on TV this week. ‘Bring home the whole week’s shopping floating behind you!’ is the proud claim. ‘It’s amazing!’ laughs a young man in the advert. ‘I’ll never have to carry heavy shopping again!’
‘Not sure about that,’ said Dr Flimwell . ‘I would have thought strong enough to float home a bunch of fresh dill or a sachet of saffron, but not both in the same trip.’
The launch has not been without its problems. Mavis Duckworth from Leicester was thrilled when her son bought her an Anti-G bag for Mother’s Day. ‘It was so good of him,’ she told us. ‘But such a shame. I unwrapped it in the garden and it just floated straight off into the sky. We never saw it again.’
Following dozens of similar complaints, the manufacturer now includes a complimentary can of HP beans inside each bag.
dammit i just thought of this idea, then i saw this and i went on a mental rampage.
Magnificent idea again from Mr. Agram Patternoster, where does he get all these brilliant answers to every day problems?
I can see these really catching on specially at busy times at the checkout when OAPs with only a daily newspaper and a packet of sanitary towels in their bags could float to the front of the queue with only a few strokes of their walking sticks.
However I can see a few problems at the Aldi sherry and white lightening cider checkout where over loaded bags could result in the pockets of helium bursting and every one running around shouting in high Mickey mouse voices and giggling like inebriated idiots.
Hey ho back to the drawing board Mr Patternoster!