The seven man crew of a Chilean fishing vessel were rescued on Thursday night after abandoning ship in the vast southern Indian ocean.
The 56 ton Evita had been fishing illegally for the valuable Patagonian toothfish when both her engines seized and the fresh water tank inexplicably ran dry. Drifting for three weeks at the mercy of the ocean currents and with no drinking water on board, the vessel was forced to make a May Day call.
The captain claims that the problems started a few days after the chef killed a circling Albatross with an air rifle. The bird was part of a French experimental project to locate illegal fishing boats and was fitted with a radio transmitter.
AHH! the valuable Patagonian toothfish a subject dear to my heart but of about which I know very little. Except to say they probably don’t speak very good Patagonian and I believe are bottom feeders similar to the Mullets of Arundel. This is not as bad as it sounds just that they live on the bottom of the sea or river and have a single eye in the middle of their forehead ! A few of my old friends were mullets.
Now to a subject I know far more about having been taught the subject many years ago in junior school. From memory it was a pome written by a gentleman ( I believe) called Sam- Tay- Coleridge. It was all about a guy called Ancient Mariner who shot an Albatross with a bow and arrow and had nothing but bad luck afterwards. This is no mean feat when standing in a pitching life raft holding on with one hand especially when that orange cover keeps getting the way! This leads to the famous quotation ” Oh! Bugger I only meant to scare the bloody great thing away it keeps crapping on my lovely orange boat” This quote was never revealed until several years later because old Sam used the other famous quote “Water!. Water every where and not a drop to drink”. As a school lad I spent many a sleepless nights trying to learn the words to this great pome until at least after an attempt at the rhythm method the solution came to hand. The following term we went on to “Biggles flies undone “and other rousing tales for boys! I never had to recite anything about the Ancient Mariner again in my life. Until the quote was plaugerised in later life to “What no beer!” If only they had taught us to do things like online shopping in school instead of all that wreeling and wriling stuff.
Of course the other albatross in my life which I will briefly mention mention for the uneducated is the famous Abatross sketch by Monty Python! IT’S BLOODY SEABIRD FLAVOUR and OF COURSE YOU DON’T GET WAFERS!
It is a good thing that the French are using these cunning methods to rid us of these Chilean anglers because the Patergonian tooth fish is a rare delicacy. The single eyebrow is delicious grilled in yak butter and served on a bed of newts spawn washed down with a pint of a Ghouly Goblin!
The local fishermen are calling this new method of catching up with them “The Patagonian Flying Frog” or “The frog in the sky”
Author’s note. A”Mullet” is a name for a person born but not necessarily concieved in Arundel.