Italy apologises for Roman invasion of Britain in 54BC

Italian Prime Minister Giuseppe Conte is the latest world leader to offer an unconditional apology for his predecessors’ global imperialism, specifically the Roman invasion and 450 year occupation of most of Britain.

Speaking to surprised journalists after judging the Miss Italy beauty contest in Bologna he said:

“Now of course we see what brutish tyrants we were to force our way in and impose wine, garlic, onions, shallots, leeks, cabbages, peas, celery, turnips, radishes, asparagus, globe artichokes, figs, good roads, hot baths, under-floor heating, glazed windows, custom-made codpieces, public order, olive oil, working toilets and fresh water systems on such a poor little country and I now I am wishing we have leaved the British peoples alone with their sticky puddings and their gravy with the lumps and their annual baths.”

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