A Dorset school crossing guard has become so frustrated at drivers ignoring her lollipop sign that she uses her own spiked ‘stinger’ to better protect the children.
Miriam Routledge, 61, bought the ex-police device on eBay for £55 which she reckons was a bargain.
‘They used to coming roaring up to the crossing in their fancy BMWs and their blooming great Range Rovers,’ she said. ‘Used to scare the daylights out of me they did, hooting and snarling.’ Miriam carries the stinger to work in her shopping trolley and sets it up outside the school between 8.45 and 8.59 every morning.
‘The children do love it,’ she says. ‘Now they can cross nice and safely.’ We asked her if any drivers had become angry at her traffic calming ploy. ‘At the start, yes, when they thought it was a dummy one. Then they found out it wasn’t so they didn’t try that again.’
I think Miriam has hit on a brilliant idea. In fact these Stingers should be incorporated at the edge of all roads and grass verges within a 1 mile radius of the school. The little darlings should be unloaded from their air conditioned SUVs and people carriers and made to march in step in crocodile form to school. There would of course be the necessity for full hi viz clothing to be worn. Holding hands would of course be compulsory in the infant crocodiles, rubber gloves insisted on in juniors and full protection including condoms in the seniors. No spitting would be allowed especially in the girls lines and no one would be allowed to wear skirts above the knee or suspenders. This of course includes 6th form boys!
This system will allow traffic to flow easily in the surrounding area and allow children arriving on electric scooters and mini motorized X country motor bikes to drive much more safely on the road and pavements!
These improvements will allow the poor harrised mothers to return to the natural environment of their air con cabs so they can get on with making up in the driving mirror and participating in facial media on their I pads whilst rushing home to change out of their onesies and into their glad rags. Then of course a hard morning sitting outside a well known coffee establishment smoking with chums and txting each other across the table. The daily grind continues with a visit to the hair saloon before the school run and and the tiresome job of ordering the evening takeaway before a long luxurious bath to prepare herself for the man of the house whomever he may be tonight!
Whilst we are on the subject I think all lollipop persons should be issued with full body armour. It is a very dangerous job.