The six year long field trial of Paenitelol, the so called ‘morning after’ pill for men, has been terminated after the UK manufacturer GSD Ltd. concluded that the results had been a ‘total failure’.
Researchers initially thought the lack of success was due to the pill size or shape and last year the design was significantly modified.
GSD’s Director of Research Dr Chloe Stapleton told Spoofflé: ‘Quite a few men in the trial didn’t like the little pink tablet so we changed the mould to create a matt black pill in the shape of a Porsche Carerra. Men did like it more and assured us they had taken it as directed but unfortunately the outcome was no better. Our team had such high hopes for this new drug but they’re left wondering exactly what went wrong. I think that’s the worst part, we still have no idea why it isn’t working.’
Spoofflé contacted some of the trial participants and Jay Rachman, a 34 year old painter and father of eight from Bristol, was typical in his experiences of taking Paenitelol.
He told us: ‘Yeah, I took them for three years and they’re total rubbish. I’m glad they’ve stopped them too, ‘cos there’s a lot of blokes like me who like really, really trusted them and that’s not fair is it?’
A lady friend of mine told me that her and her husband have been trialling a new method of birth control ffor the NHS. It is very hush hush and strictly not to be released to the press or the likes of Spoofflè.
It is called nixastifatol and has proved very successful with this couple. It consists basically of a photograph of their first 23 children which she keeps under the pillow and shows to her husband if ever the old fellow starts to get frisky. She says if this is not entirely successful a sharp rap with a soup ladle is very effective! They are both 65 years old and have been using this method for the last 45 years, with great success except for one scare last Christmas but they put this down to an extra glass of sherry and the fact that he took his glasses off before getting to bed! When asked the NHS spokesman said “We are fairly happy with the results so far but Nixastifatol is still in the experimental stage and we are asking for volunteers and have applied to the government for more funding.
This is a fascinating additional piece of information that will be shared across the editorial team on Monday morning. Thank you! Ed