Norland nannies to be trained by the SAS

Norland College produces Britain’s most highly qualified and sought-after nannies, the choice of royalty and public figures for generations. Now the nannies, a distinctive sight in their perfectly pressed uniforms, are to receive additional intensive training from the SAS.

The nannies (known as ‘Norlanders’) already cover subjects such as tummy upsets, hiccups and hijack escape driving during their three year BA (Hons) in early childhood studies. However, to meet growing security demands from high profile clients such as Mick Jagger, a fourth year is to be spent at the SAS regiment’s Hereford HQ.

Third year student Carol Poppins told Spoofflé of her excitement after studying the new prospectus: ‘Ooh I can’t wait! We’ll be doing modules on Arctic combat and survival, free fall parachuting and killing an attacker silently with a plastic bib.’

The women (and now men) who graduate as nannies from Norland College will also receive their own highly compact Heckler & Koch MC51 assault weapon in a discreet hip holster disguised as a bag of nappy sacks.