Insurers insist on safer playgrounds or they must close

Local councils may have to close all public children’s playgrounds next week as the sole provider of compulsory public liability insurance threatened to withdraw cover.

Geneva-based Seinfeld Global says there was a 178% increase in claims received for ‘play injuries’ last year and that UK councils must reduce the risk by making adventure playgrounds far safer.

They are calling for slides to be horizontal, playgrounds to be covered with two foot deep sponge mats and for all children to wear crash helmets and protective eyewear.

Corporate Affairs director Gunter Stumphausen explained the move to Spoofflé: ‘Our business is taking of the risks, some being the big ones like how we are covering the Formula 1 drivers and also the skydivers who we are insuring.’

‘But the British playgrounds,’ he said, ‘they are being so much too dangerous right now for us.’

We asked Mr Stumphausen for specific examples of playground claims. ‘Ha, where to start!’ he said, producing a file of the 11 claims they have received. ‘Very, very bad bruises, these we are seeing of the most,’ he said. ‘And the knees, always the knees of the boys that are being banged and how do you say, the grazing?

So we are having to say ‘no more’ to the UK councils, we must a profit be making for our shareholders.’

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