Trump bans Chinese-owned finance app PikPok

President Trump has tweeted that he intends to ban the popular personal finance app PikPok, whose tag line is “Treating your money like ours”.

Federal officials are concerned that the app, with over 70 million active users in America, could be used to collect the personal data of Americans on behalf of the Chinese government.

Randy Digiralomo, a 34 year-old builder from Wisconsin, told Spoofflé:

“I kinda used PikPok for like, a year, for like, banking, payday loans, renting porn, you know, like, all the usual stuff.” He said he was surprised at having to provide his fingerprints, DNA, height, weight, a photocopy of his passport and his inside leg measurement in order to use the app, but assumed it was for added security.

However, on Tuesday Randy got a shock when he discovered that his PikPok bank account was empty. “Not a goddam dime left!” he said. “They just, like, reached into my account and took it while I was asleep. I feel kinda violated, I mean, I trusted those guys.”

PikPok has denied accusations that it is controlled by or shares data with the Chinese government.