Prison kitchens now being used to ease overcrowding

Home Secretary Shabana Mahmood has ordered all category ‘B’ prisons to immediately repurpose their kitchens as ‘mega-cells’ in a desperate attempt to accommodate more prisoners. Spoofflé Crime Correspondent Maurice Locke visited HMP Wandsworth on Monday to assess the impact on its inmates.

Frankie ‘no thumbs’ McKay, a 38-year-old qualified forger from Southend, said “Yeah, it’s a bit rank wot wiv the cabbage stink but I’m wiv me mates and we can ‘ave a fry-up whenever. And there’s a shedload of knives too.”